Youngest Ever State Alchemist Trashes Shops
by novella814
Summary: Around midday today, several shop and home owners in Rush Valley found their buildings damaged by Mr. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, age 15, as he raced across the rooftops in chase of a suspected thief. Ed hasn't escaped the media's attention.
1. State Alchemist Trashes Shops

**Youngest Ever State Alchemist Trashes Shops, Traumatizes Dog **

_**Victims Demand Compensation, Alchemist Works to Fix  
**_

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**By Tora-chan**

**Rush Valley, Sept. 12, 1914 ­– **

Around midday today, several shop and home owners in Rush Valley found their buildings damaged by Mr. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, age 15, as he raced across the rooftops in chase of a suspected thief. One woman even reported that a giant metal monster terrified her poor dog.

Elric, hailed 'the alchemist of the people', might want to rethink his title if he keeps defacing private property in this manner. As exclusively revealed by _Rush Valley Inquirer_, not only did Elric redesign several buildings, but he also threatened several perfectly honest automail engineers when they refused to give him information unless they could look at his automail arm and leg, a request that any Rush Valley citizen could tell you is perfectly reasonable.

In Elric's defense, he claims, "That woman's a menace to society! Just look at the town!" It would seem that the alchemist is referring to Paninya, a harmless pickpocket who targets tourists. Elric alleges that Paninya stole the pocket watch that identifies him as a state alchemist and that he would go to any lengths in order to regain it.

"Any lengths" apparently refers to running about the back alleys, alchemizing everything within range, including private homes and businesses. One shop owner claims that Elric accidentally trapped him in a cage created from the roof of his own store, and that he wasn't released until two and a half hours later.

Later, victims of Elric's rampage demanded compensation. Elric is reported to have spent the remainder of the day repairing the damage with the same alchemy he used to cause it.

It is unclear whether the object of Elric's chase, Paninya, has been apprehended. So far, she has not been turned in to the MPS, so we can only guess at her current whereabouts. Hopefully, further information will be available in tomorrow's edition of _Rush Valley Inquirer_.

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**A/N:** This article concerning Ed's incident in Rush Valley was written for a school assignment. Please tell me what you think! 


	2. Fullmetal Wreaks Havoc Yet Agan

**Fullmetal Wreaks Havoc Yet Again With Foreign Aid**

_**Citizens Wonder About Our Immigration Policies  
**_

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**By Tora-chan**

**Rush Valley, Oct. 5, 1914 – **

As many readers may remember, Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, 15, has developed a reputation for causing trouble. Last month, he raced across the city in search of a thief who is now working as an honest roof repairwoman. This chase resulted in a large sum contributed to property damage, as well as several traumatized pets.

The scene yesterday occurred when Fullmetal and his brother, Alphonse Elric, 14, were spotted chasing two black-garbed strangers across town. The said strangers were oft described as 'ninja' by bystanders, and are reputedly from a country in the Far East, perhaps Xing or the Eastern Archipelago.

This brings about the question of an immigration problem. It is a seriously troubling piece of news to learn that illegal aliens are settling our country, for Amestris is on good terms with none of its neighbors.

Though one of the foreigners _did_ cause an explosion with a bomb and was later apprehended by Fullmetal, the Elrics cannot escape all the blame. Alphonse Elric, the younger brother, was witnessed defacing the beautiful sign to our city when tying up one of the criminal foreigners. Fullmetal, the elder, also destroyed a large amount of property in his chase.

After apprehension, the two foreigners vanished with the aid of another man who is presumed to be their leader, leaving Elric to repair the destruction that he participated in causing.

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**A/N:** Mangaverse!!! Ah, so I update at last! Just if you couldn't guess, this is where Ling sets Ran Fan and Foo on Ed and Al. Btw, I've decided to turn this into a series chronicling a series of news articles that mention our favorite Hagaren characters. These will generally appear in the _Rush Valley Inquirer_, although _Central Times_ and _Briggs Monthly Messenger_ ought to make a few cameos. I will be taking requests if you want a particular (manga) event publicized. 


	3. Well Known Automail Mechanic Vanished

**Well Known Automail Mechanic Vanished**

_**Customers Suspect Subterfuge**_

**By Tora-chan**

**Rush Valley, Oct. 17, 1914 – **

For the past few days, costumers have flocked around the shop known as Atelier Garfiel, demanding to know where the young mechanic Winry Rockbell, who has experienced growing popularity during recent months, is. Rockbell, 15, left Rush Valley several days ago suddenly and without warning. Several eyewitnesses claim that it was in the company of military officials.

In order to garner more information, _Rush Valley Inquirer_, which is always eager to keep tabs on promising young prodigies, visited the girl's master, Mr. Garfiel, whose recent boom in business is attributed to his new apprentice, Rockbell.

Garfiel, though he accepted an interview with our correspondent, then decided to make no comment other than, "She has been called on some urgent business to a high priority costumer. I fully expect her to return soon and continue her apprenticeship. Now, if I may offer you some tea?"

Though we accepted the offer, no further information could be gleaned from the man. However, it is rumored, though no confirmation has been received, that the 'high priority costumer' that was mentioned is Edward Elric, the famous Fullmetal Alchemist. Elric has been known as being a patron of Rockbell, and has been witnessed visiting the mechanic several times (see issues IX and X), though no one we have interviewed has reported seeing him too recently.

_Rush Valley Inquirer_ is quite fascinated by this mysterious occurrence. A follow-up article will be available in our next issue.

_For a list of talented mechanics to visit while Miss Rockbell is away, see page 5._

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**A/N:** Okay, definitely not as humorous here as its predecessors. As always, this is mangaverse. For those of you not caught up, this occurs when Winry is off supplying Ed with some northern use automail. 

Oh, and if you were wondering, the dates are 100 made up. Arakawa-sensei gives me not enough clues. :(


	4. Twelve Year Old Takes Up the Watch

**Twelve Year Old Takes Up the Watch**

_**New Record for Youngest State Alchemist  
**_

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**By Tora-chan**

**Central City, Sept. 30, 1911 – **

At the Central Headquarters of the Amestrian military, the annual state alchemist examinations were recently held, overseen by the Fuehrer President himself. These tests are designed to help the military choose new alchemists of great talent to receive state certification—a title that gives them yearly funding and extensive privileges, but also the titles of 'human weapon' and 'dog of the military'. Though the tests generally have about 30-40 applicants, very few, generally about one or two, pass each year.

The results of this year's tests were made available to the public earlier this morning (_to see this list, as well as a list of current state alchemists, see Page A7_). Though the number passed (which was one) was as expected, the one who did so was not.

Edward Elric, age 12, rewrote the record for youngest state alchemist when he took the examtwo days ago. The young man, who is reported to be short, longhaired, and blonde, hails from the eastern town of Resembool, which some may remember to be the target of several Ishbalan attacks during the Ishbal war.

Inside reports from within the military say that Elric, who has been given the second name "The Fullmetal Alchemist", stunned top officials with a magnificent, never before seen display of powerful alchemy, resulting in his newfound title. However, details are not available at the moment.

Updates shall be made as more information becomes available.

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**A/N:** Just a little blurb that could be published in any paper. You'll get to see what _someone_ thinks when they read it next chapter. 


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